I had flu.
I thought it was similar to a slight cold, however when I had it, it was truly severe.
For days I couldn't even swallow a sip of water, my whole joints seemed to be twisted up as if I was beaten up by someone, my skin was sore as if it was bruised, and I started to fear and said to myself, ‘Oh, at this rate, I could possibly die.’
I imagine Heavenly Mother who is there, beyond over the pain.
How hard and painful She might be everyday, surviving a life-or-death crisis.
I shed endless tears, thinking of myself how I could only realize Mother’s pain after being sick.
Far from taking care of my husband or children, I couldn’t even keep myself steady.
Mother, despite throughout all pains, how could You give that great love to Your children?
Mother cannot be painful even though she is in pain, but I, as a mom, couldn’t do anything for my children.
“Mom, are you really sick?”
“Yeah, I’m sick as if I’m going to die.”
My son looked serious and asked, “Without you mom, who would cook for us?”
I again started to shed tears seeing my son who was asking an immature question.
He seemed to look like me on the past; complaining to Heavenly Mother, while ignoring Her pain.
Worrying of me being sick, a deaconess bought me some soup.
My eldest child who was enjoying the soup with the spoon that she brought, stopped her brother saying,
“No. Mom is sick so we must give it to her.”
Nevertheless, I was thankful for what she said.
I was sorry for my children, thinking of how hungry they might have been.
Though they might look immature to others, to me they are my loving son and daughter.
Just how they say you become more mature according to how much pain you have been through, the time of pain that I felt in my bones gave me the realization, making me to look back to myself being spiritually immature.
I want to throw away my immature self, and become a child who gives God the Mother gentle smiles.
