An Immature Son

Though my family didn't have our cakes baked, we had enough to live.

My parents bought mostly everything that I needed.

Entering 6th grade, I told them that I wanted to attend a supplementary educational institute for my grades.

They allowed me, thinking that I was commendable.

When it was time for me to graduate junior high school, my father said:

 

"I'm sorry son, but we're bad off. I don't think we can support you with the institute.

How about making a habit of studying by yourself?"

 

By that time, I had decent grades with the help of the institute.

I just couldn't stand that I couldn't attend the institute no more.

Though I kept on asking him if I could attend the institute, he just kept on apologizing.

Because things didn't go on my way, I left an unhealable scar on my father's heart.

 

"Dad, how come you can't even send me to an institute? My friends attend many institutes.

I wish I was born in a rich house, why was I born in this house?"

 

I could vividly remember what he said to me.

 

"I didn't do much for you, did I? Well, I did my best for you son... I tried my best to give everything what you surely needed. I'm sorry that I couldn't let you have more, more than I have given."

 

And it's now that I realize that he wanted me to stop attending the institute for a long time.

I remember him passing remarks like, "How about not going to the institute?" or "How about studying by yourself?"

He tried all he could to support my institute’s fee.

It is when I entered high school that he just couldn't possibly support.

He could have said to stop attending the institute from the very beginning, but he couldn't because I had too much desire.

And after bearing many years, he had no choice to tell me that he couldn't support.

 

Even today, I feel sorry for my father who kept on apologizing.

My father did let me have all that I needed.

There were things that I didn't necessarily needed, but he tried his best to let me have them all.

Though I could receive everything without any effort, I wasn't thankful at all.

I just grumbled that I couldn't have more.

I even had an arrogant thought that it was reasonable that parents had to feed their children's mouth.

Through my childhood memory, God allowed me to see how arrogant I was in heaven, and showed it to me as a shadow, of how much I hurt my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother's heart.

Just how I didn't thank my parents on this earth, I feel embarrassed that I didn't thank my Heavenly Parents’ love and grace.

I don't want to commit the same mistake.

From now on, I want to become a child who can give overflowing thanks and joy to our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.